All Good Things...
I've sat down to write this post about a dozen times and each time, I write a few words and then sign out. I kept flip-floping; yes I'm going to, no I'm not, yes I am, no I'm not. But since these words are being written, you can see that I finally came to a decision.
After five years of writing, or reflecting and processing, I am moving on from this blog. Some may say, well, you haven't posted in two months, isn't that pretty much the same? No. Not for me. I need closure, to walk away and say I'm ready to start something new.
(Dammit! I can barely type, I'm teary already)
When I first began this blog, it was simply an exchange of ideas for my friends. When I had my miscarriages it became my solace, my well of grief and my strength. Shortly after the second miscarriage I found the ALI community. I don't think I can adequately express what everyone has done for me. You shone a light on the dark days and rejoiced in the bright ones. I've made many friends as a result and although I haven't kept up recently, you are all often in my thoughts.
Things are such in my life that I fid myself not wanted to blog anymore. I'm writing lots but not here. And I've decided that it's okay. I will no longer make myself feel guilty for it. But before I take my leave of you, I want to tell where I am at these days.
I am happy. That is probably the most important thing for you to know. I still have post-partum depression and have periods of hibernation, but they don't hinder my life as much as they used to. I'm still seeing my psychiatrist occasionally and she is still as wonderful as the day I met her. I'll be on my meds until the New Year and if I'm truly doing well, I can wean off them.
R handed in his PhD dissertation earlier this month and on July 21st will have his defence. So by August 1st, my darling husband will be a Doctor of Philosophy, Sciences (Physics). From there we will (fingers crossed) get a job and we will either be staying here in Vancouver or moving wherever he finds work.
In limbo can be a stressful place to be, but I'm doing the best I can to keep it in check and enjoy each and every day with Bean. She is more wonderful than I ever could have imagined. I always knew I was meant to be a mother, and it has been comfirmed over and over again. She makes me smile and laugh, and at times cry in frustration, but I wouldn't change a single moment of it. Well, I suppose I'd like to go back and enjoy those first months, but they are what they are and I am just glad I made it through and can now be there for my daughter.
In recent days, the full effect of what it means to be a "family" has hit me. My relationship with R is doing better than it has throughout all of the chaos of the last two years and there are moments when we hug each other while holding Bean, that I feel like my heart might explode form happiness.
I've been through many things in my life, and will go through many more, but that is what this journey is about. The Steadfast Warrior shall keep in going. Some of you are friends with me on facebook, some have my email. If you are interested in keeping in touch, email me.
Thank you for lending me your eyes, and you hearts. You are more wonderful than I can express. I shall leave you with one last Photo of the Day. This is Bean in all her 8.5 Month glory. She's going to be walking soon (Fates help us) and keeps me on my toes...
Monday, October 3, 2011
Fourteen Names of God
Sometimes we are given maps
just a few blue lines
like the veins on our mothers' breasts
Green curves, a lizard
curled in your warm hands
this secret, all we own
Now in my dreams we set out again
towards each other
over the mine fields of this life
breathing the sweet air
For more years than you lived
I have tried to learn the words
the grasses tell each other
on summer nights
guarded by fireflies
as in that Tokyo sunset
when you tied my sash
& ran, though braced, still laughing
through the pyrotechnic flowers
towards happiness
I see you still, waving to me
far across the starfields
You have released the balloons
The ribbons slide from my hair
But I hold your faithful map
to the places of dragons
to that tender lair, the far
mountains, the acres of longing
just a few blue lines
like the veins on our mothers' breasts
Green curves, a lizard
curled in your warm hands
this secret, all we own
Now in my dreams we set out again
towards each other
over the mine fields of this life
breathing the sweet air
For more years than you lived
I have tried to learn the words
the grasses tell each other
on summer nights
guarded by fireflies
as in that Tokyo sunset
when you tied my sash
& ran, though braced, still laughing
through the pyrotechnic flowers
towards happiness
I see you still, waving to me
far across the starfields
You have released the balloons
The ribbons slide from my hair
But I hold your faithful map
to the places of dragons
to that tender lair, the far
mountains, the acres of longing
Social Network beggars?
Social Network beggars?
I am so shocked of the fun stuff I have been reading lately on Facebook and Twitter and even places like kijiji.
I don't know if its just me who has a problem with this but lately I am seeing so many people creating groups or the like to ask for money to pay for things like spaying their dog, help with medical costs, help with repairing things, or just plain wanting money to purchase something they want, Idont know why this rubs me so wrongly but it does.
Every one of the situations, I mean, YES we all know that life throws us curve balls from time to time and times get really rough for some of us but what I dont understand is, as an example. If you know me, like real life know me, you would know I have some odd tastes in the things I like (ie expensive at times), I have more animals than one person really should have and right now I dont have a job to say.
However, I have ALWAYS been under the impression that if you can not afford to care for something adequately then perhaps you should not have it, and I may have a few things like the Doo for example that really I did not need to get myself but wanted it. Now, if all my animals were to get sick and need some major medical attention that would cost upwards of lets say $15 000 ( keep in mind I do have 6 dogs and 3 horses and 3 cats) there is not a chance in hell I wouldn't sell my Doo, my dream car, take out a loan or two, ask family privately or even friends... but I just dont see myself ever publically asking people to donate money to me to pay for what I TOOK ON.
Last time I checked, what is mine is my problem. I had to get a tow truck to take my beloved Tiburon home today, I 'could' have driven it, but with a seized back brake I chose not to. Yes I got a bit of a deal on my tow call, and the garage I am going to will cost me a lot less than it would have to go to Canadian Tire or something to get my car fixed, thanks to having connections, and really NO I dont have the money to fix it ( so I just wont for a week or so, no big deal, just take the truck for now) but I dont feel that I need to fund raise to have my brakes fixed or that the world for some reason should know I cant afford basic maintanance of my car. ( I just did I know but not in the same context lol)
Take Elmo for instance... he was a 'rescue' of sorts, I chose to keep him, I chose to take him on, all expenses that I will face with him ect over his life time and dont for a minute think I did not think it through. There was a lot of number crunching, right down to figuring out annual vet check, feeding, vaccinations vs titers, legal stuff, and EMERGENCY consideration ( ie big vet bills) for having a sixth dog here. Not to mention time, grooming, extra poop, another crate, smaller bed, smaller collars ect. I had him neutered at my cost, 2 days after having a horse gelded ( who I also did the previous number crunch with prior to buying but add in annual teeth floating, farrier work every 6 weeks, extra feed for a draft mix horse, training costs and so on.) I didn't ask for help to have those testicles removed with in a few days of each other, having a vet call and paying for the vets "time" for exam and vaccinations, Elmo's neuter, blood work and all that jazz...
However, so many people seem to be expecting their friends or aquaintances to pitch in on the things they are choosing to have.
The way I see it, especially when it comes to animals, you cant put it off, when they're sick or hurt they need attention NOW. SO, the logic side of me thinks that everyone would factor these potentials into their decision to obtain said animal no? Apparently not.
I guess an impaction, hit by car or spay is not something that people will think their dogs will ever have, or they are some how protected from accidents.
Now when it comes to material or 'luxury nonsense' everything breaks, everything will need repair or could. So if your brakes seize its your problem is it not? Some people NEED their car in working condition ASAP. If I did not have a spare vehicle here to turn to, and was working, my car would have been getting fixed at the nearest garage ASAP. I live in the country, I commute to work ( when I work) and to be with out wheels is just not an option for me. There is no public transit, it would be cheaper to rent a car than get a cab to come out here twice a day and I wouldnt feel right relying on friends or family for more than one trip ( again my pride I guess) so... if I had no other choice I probably would have chosen a car that the parts are cheaper, its easier to fix at home, and parts are much easier to come by than the car I did. Again this is all stuff I thought through prior to signing papers for said car.
I dont get it. Seems like I'm the only one that really has a problem with social network begging, apparently it is acceptable to an extent. However what is the limit? Fund raising for non profit I have NO PROBLEM with. But when it comes to something that someone owns and has conciously chosen to have I personally find it wrong.
Oh well. End that rant for now.
I have far more crap on my plate than that I can chew right now, I have so much on my mind, still standing at cross roads and looking around like I have landed on a strange planet or am standing at the corner of Axmith and Axmith, the nexus of the universe in Elliot Lake, and wondering where the hell I should go from there. I really dont think I should be wasting too much energy on the previous rant.
I am so shocked of the fun stuff I have been reading lately on Facebook and Twitter and even places like kijiji.
I don't know if its just me who has a problem with this but lately I am seeing so many people creating groups or the like to ask for money to pay for things like spaying their dog, help with medical costs, help with repairing things, or just plain wanting money to purchase something they want, Idont know why this rubs me so wrongly but it does.
Every one of the situations, I mean, YES we all know that life throws us curve balls from time to time and times get really rough for some of us but what I dont understand is, as an example. If you know me, like real life know me, you would know I have some odd tastes in the things I like (ie expensive at times), I have more animals than one person really should have and right now I dont have a job to say.
However, I have ALWAYS been under the impression that if you can not afford to care for something adequately then perhaps you should not have it, and I may have a few things like the Doo for example that really I did not need to get myself but wanted it. Now, if all my animals were to get sick and need some major medical attention that would cost upwards of lets say $15 000 ( keep in mind I do have 6 dogs and 3 horses and 3 cats) there is not a chance in hell I wouldn't sell my Doo, my dream car, take out a loan or two, ask family privately or even friends... but I just dont see myself ever publically asking people to donate money to me to pay for what I TOOK ON.
Last time I checked, what is mine is my problem. I had to get a tow truck to take my beloved Tiburon home today, I 'could' have driven it, but with a seized back brake I chose not to. Yes I got a bit of a deal on my tow call, and the garage I am going to will cost me a lot less than it would have to go to Canadian Tire or something to get my car fixed, thanks to having connections, and really NO I dont have the money to fix it ( so I just wont for a week or so, no big deal, just take the truck for now) but I dont feel that I need to fund raise to have my brakes fixed or that the world for some reason should know I cant afford basic maintanance of my car. ( I just did I know but not in the same context lol)
Take Elmo for instance... he was a 'rescue' of sorts, I chose to keep him, I chose to take him on, all expenses that I will face with him ect over his life time and dont for a minute think I did not think it through. There was a lot of number crunching, right down to figuring out annual vet check, feeding, vaccinations vs titers, legal stuff, and EMERGENCY consideration ( ie big vet bills) for having a sixth dog here. Not to mention time, grooming, extra poop, another crate, smaller bed, smaller collars ect. I had him neutered at my cost, 2 days after having a horse gelded ( who I also did the previous number crunch with prior to buying but add in annual teeth floating, farrier work every 6 weeks, extra feed for a draft mix horse, training costs and so on.) I didn't ask for help to have those testicles removed with in a few days of each other, having a vet call and paying for the vets "time" for exam and vaccinations, Elmo's neuter, blood work and all that jazz...
However, so many people seem to be expecting their friends or aquaintances to pitch in on the things they are choosing to have.
The way I see it, especially when it comes to animals, you cant put it off, when they're sick or hurt they need attention NOW. SO, the logic side of me thinks that everyone would factor these potentials into their decision to obtain said animal no? Apparently not.
I guess an impaction, hit by car or spay is not something that people will think their dogs will ever have, or they are some how protected from accidents.
Now when it comes to material or 'luxury nonsense' everything breaks, everything will need repair or could. So if your brakes seize its your problem is it not? Some people NEED their car in working condition ASAP. If I did not have a spare vehicle here to turn to, and was working, my car would have been getting fixed at the nearest garage ASAP. I live in the country, I commute to work ( when I work) and to be with out wheels is just not an option for me. There is no public transit, it would be cheaper to rent a car than get a cab to come out here twice a day and I wouldnt feel right relying on friends or family for more than one trip ( again my pride I guess) so... if I had no other choice I probably would have chosen a car that the parts are cheaper, its easier to fix at home, and parts are much easier to come by than the car I did. Again this is all stuff I thought through prior to signing papers for said car.
I dont get it. Seems like I'm the only one that really has a problem with social network begging, apparently it is acceptable to an extent. However what is the limit? Fund raising for non profit I have NO PROBLEM with. But when it comes to something that someone owns and has conciously chosen to have I personally find it wrong.
Oh well. End that rant for now.
I have far more crap on my plate than that I can chew right now, I have so much on my mind, still standing at cross roads and looking around like I have landed on a strange planet or am standing at the corner of Axmith and Axmith, the nexus of the universe in Elliot Lake, and wondering where the hell I should go from there. I really dont think I should be wasting too much energy on the previous rant.
MIRACLE MONDAY - JESUS HEALS
A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately the leprosy left the man and he was cured.”
What exactly is leprosy? Leprosy, basically described, is a tropical skin and nerve disease. It often causes disfigurement and is transmitted following close personal contact with someone who has it. In Biblical times there was no cure for leprosy. This means those infected were usually isolated. Nobody wanted to even accidentally touch someone with leprosy. Everyone was too afraid they would get infected if they did. This means once someone got leprosy they did not get touched-probably ever again for the rest of their life.
So, this man infected with leprosy comes up to Jesus and begs him to heal him. He specifically says. “If you are willing, you can make me clean.”
When this man came up to Jesus, Jesus never even thought twice about the fact that this man had leprosy. He just simply reached out and touched the man. This man, infected with leprosy, may have not been touched in a long time. People probably would not have even looked at him, let alone think about touching him. Yet Jesus did.
Then as Jesus is touching the man He says, “I am willing.” He said, “I am willing.” He was willing to heal this man of his leprosy. He could have simply said ‘Okay’ or ‘Sure’, etc. But instead He proclaims that He is willing to heal this man. This means he was ready to do something voluntarily, he was eager to do it, he was enthusiastic, he was happy to do it.
Just like Jesus was willing to heal this man, He healed all others He encountered while on Earth. But, even more He continues to heal people to this day. He is just as willing to heal today as He was over 2,000 years ago.
He wants to heal us.
He wants us to be healthy and well.
For us this is good news! For Jesus proclaims in John 14:12-14:
12 I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Jesus calls us to go out and heal the sick! We have the power to do so only through His power in us. We can ask for anything in Jesus’ name and He will do it.
Matthew 10:8- “Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons.”
I pray that all of you would pray and seek God about this verse. Ask Holy Spirit to reveal to you the depths of what this means. I pray that you will go out and preach this good news. I pray that you would go out and begin to heal the sick with the power you have within you. I pray that others around you will come to know and love Jesus as they see the miracles happening around you!
I love the chain reaction that can happen when you share this good news with others! Once during a Bible study my sister and I were leading with a group of women at a drug and rehabilitation center we got the opportunity to share this. One of the ladies asked us if we could pray for her headache. She didn’t know we had a very hands on approach! We walked up to her and invited others to lay hands on her. Wow was she shocked! We simply asked for her headache to be completely gone in Jesus name. She opened her eyes and exclaimed, “WOW! It’s completely gone!” My sister and I found out later that some of the ladies that were in that Bible study laid hands and prayed for a girl who was having trouble with her legs the very next day. One of the ladies boldly said, “Can we pray for you?” And they told her pain to be gone in Jesus name and the lady was healed. Praise God! Isn’t that an awesome story!
What exactly is leprosy? Leprosy, basically described, is a tropical skin and nerve disease. It often causes disfigurement and is transmitted following close personal contact with someone who has it. In Biblical times there was no cure for leprosy. This means those infected were usually isolated. Nobody wanted to even accidentally touch someone with leprosy. Everyone was too afraid they would get infected if they did. This means once someone got leprosy they did not get touched-probably ever again for the rest of their life.
So, this man infected with leprosy comes up to Jesus and begs him to heal him. He specifically says. “If you are willing, you can make me clean.”
When this man came up to Jesus, Jesus never even thought twice about the fact that this man had leprosy. He just simply reached out and touched the man. This man, infected with leprosy, may have not been touched in a long time. People probably would not have even looked at him, let alone think about touching him. Yet Jesus did.
Then as Jesus is touching the man He says, “I am willing.” He said, “I am willing.” He was willing to heal this man of his leprosy. He could have simply said ‘Okay’ or ‘Sure’, etc. But instead He proclaims that He is willing to heal this man. This means he was ready to do something voluntarily, he was eager to do it, he was enthusiastic, he was happy to do it.
Just like Jesus was willing to heal this man, He healed all others He encountered while on Earth. But, even more He continues to heal people to this day. He is just as willing to heal today as He was over 2,000 years ago.
He wants to heal us.
He wants us to be healthy and well.
For us this is good news! For Jesus proclaims in John 14:12-14:
12 I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Jesus calls us to go out and heal the sick! We have the power to do so only through His power in us. We can ask for anything in Jesus’ name and He will do it.
Matthew 10:8- “Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons.”
I pray that all of you would pray and seek God about this verse. Ask Holy Spirit to reveal to you the depths of what this means. I pray that you will go out and preach this good news. I pray that you would go out and begin to heal the sick with the power you have within you. I pray that others around you will come to know and love Jesus as they see the miracles happening around you!
I love the chain reaction that can happen when you share this good news with others! Once during a Bible study my sister and I were leading with a group of women at a drug and rehabilitation center we got the opportunity to share this. One of the ladies asked us if we could pray for her headache. She didn’t know we had a very hands on approach! We walked up to her and invited others to lay hands on her. Wow was she shocked! We simply asked for her headache to be completely gone in Jesus name. She opened her eyes and exclaimed, “WOW! It’s completely gone!” My sister and I found out later that some of the ladies that were in that Bible study laid hands and prayed for a girl who was having trouble with her legs the very next day. One of the ladies boldly said, “Can we pray for you?” And they told her pain to be gone in Jesus name and the lady was healed. Praise God! Isn’t that an awesome story!
The Greatest Love of All
Several years ago, Robert Schuller sent me a copy of his book Self-Esteem: The New Reformation. (Actually, he sent it to thousands of preachers, but it made me feel better about myself to think he'd sent it to me personally.) In that book and other writings, Schuller redefined the gospel in terms of self-esteem. Jesus came to give us us back the proper view of ourselves that God intended for us from the beginning. Schuller defined sin as "any act or thought that robs myself or another human being of his or her self-esteem." He suggested that "a person is in hell when he has lost his self-esteem." Thus salvation is being saved from this loss of self-worth, "To be born again means that we must be changed from a negative to a positive self-image--from inferiority to self-esteem, from fear to love, from doubt to trust." Well, if that is the gospel, then perhaps we should see Whitney Houston as a new-gospel singer as she croons, "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."
Not only was Schuller wrong, he could not have been more wrong. The central act of Christianity is the cross where Christ "made himself nothing" (NIV) or "emptied himself" (NET) as He died on the cross (Phil 2:7). The cross was not about self-esteem; it is about shame (Heb 12:2), a shame that we also bear as we follow Jesus outside the camp (Heb 13:13). We are given a new identity as children of God, and that does indeed recast how we view ourselves (1 John 3:1-3). But God calls us to "share in His holiness" (Heb 12:10), and our self-esteem often takes a beating when we see just how short of that we are able to come. Paul is not pumping us our self-esteem when he says, "What a wretched man I am!" (Rom 7:24). The fact that God loves us and that Jesus died for us and that the Spirit indwells us DESPITE our wretchedness does not change the fact that we are indeed wretched. And the greatest love of all is learning to lay down our lives for others (John 15:13, 1 John 3:16).
I really enjoy reading Experimental Theology, the blog of Dr. Richard Beck, a professor of psychology at ACU. In his most recent blog, he dealt with the idea of self-esteem and Christianity as it relates to the second great command. "Love your neighbor as yourself." Beck suggests that as it is often taught in churches, Jesus is teaching two things here: (1) we must love ourselves and (2) we must love others as ourselves. Thus as Schuller argues (though not to the same degree), the gospel is concerned about pumping up our self-esteem as a platform for loving other. I liked the way he addressed that idea--
Actually don't think Jesus has this very recent, Western psychotherapeutic situation in mind. I don't Jesus is saying anything at all about self-esteem in the second Greatest Commandment. And it worries me a lot that churches are leading with messages of self-love. I don't think Americans need to hear a message that starts like this: "The first thing you need to do is work on loving yourself. And when you've got that down then you can turn to loving others." Because, as best I can tell, a lot of Christians are spending their whole lives just working away on the first part of that equation. Year after year American Christians are spending all their spiritual formation energy on learning to love themselves. And that seems a bit screwy.
What I actually think Jesus is trying to say in the second Greatest Commandment is that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. As I argue in Unclean, Jesus is trying to blur the boundary between Self and Other. Jesus is trying in the second Greatest Commandment to form an identity relationship between Self and Other, to see our lives as intertwined. The hallmark of this fusion is empathy, the ability to stand in another person's shoes and ask a simple question: "If this were me, what would I want?" Basically, "love your neighbor as you love yourself" is just another version of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Click over to Experimental Theology and read his entire post; I think it will be informative. Let me sum up with how Beck sums up, "The secret, I think, isn't to try to go from a low self-esteem to a high self-esteem. The secret is to just stop playing the self-esteem game altogether. The key is to get out of your head." I like that... I'm just not very good at it.
Not only was Schuller wrong, he could not have been more wrong. The central act of Christianity is the cross where Christ "made himself nothing" (NIV) or "emptied himself" (NET) as He died on the cross (Phil 2:7). The cross was not about self-esteem; it is about shame (Heb 12:2), a shame that we also bear as we follow Jesus outside the camp (Heb 13:13). We are given a new identity as children of God, and that does indeed recast how we view ourselves (1 John 3:1-3). But God calls us to "share in His holiness" (Heb 12:10), and our self-esteem often takes a beating when we see just how short of that we are able to come. Paul is not pumping us our self-esteem when he says, "What a wretched man I am!" (Rom 7:24). The fact that God loves us and that Jesus died for us and that the Spirit indwells us DESPITE our wretchedness does not change the fact that we are indeed wretched. And the greatest love of all is learning to lay down our lives for others (John 15:13, 1 John 3:16).
I really enjoy reading Experimental Theology, the blog of Dr. Richard Beck, a professor of psychology at ACU. In his most recent blog, he dealt with the idea of self-esteem and Christianity as it relates to the second great command. "Love your neighbor as yourself." Beck suggests that as it is often taught in churches, Jesus is teaching two things here: (1) we must love ourselves and (2) we must love others as ourselves. Thus as Schuller argues (though not to the same degree), the gospel is concerned about pumping up our self-esteem as a platform for loving other. I liked the way he addressed that idea--
Actually don't think Jesus has this very recent, Western psychotherapeutic situation in mind. I don't Jesus is saying anything at all about self-esteem in the second Greatest Commandment. And it worries me a lot that churches are leading with messages of self-love. I don't think Americans need to hear a message that starts like this: "The first thing you need to do is work on loving yourself. And when you've got that down then you can turn to loving others." Because, as best I can tell, a lot of Christians are spending their whole lives just working away on the first part of that equation. Year after year American Christians are spending all their spiritual formation energy on learning to love themselves. And that seems a bit screwy.
What I actually think Jesus is trying to say in the second Greatest Commandment is that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. As I argue in Unclean, Jesus is trying to blur the boundary between Self and Other. Jesus is trying in the second Greatest Commandment to form an identity relationship between Self and Other, to see our lives as intertwined. The hallmark of this fusion is empathy, the ability to stand in another person's shoes and ask a simple question: "If this were me, what would I want?" Basically, "love your neighbor as you love yourself" is just another version of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Click over to Experimental Theology and read his entire post; I think it will be informative. Let me sum up with how Beck sums up, "The secret, I think, isn't to try to go from a low self-esteem to a high self-esteem. The secret is to just stop playing the self-esteem game altogether. The key is to get out of your head." I like that... I'm just not very good at it.
No Ordinary Love
Every once in a while I get a stirring inside of me that wants to do something or be something great. I wish for the fame of an ultra talented writer who sells many books and changes lives or that
I could be a professional runner who lives for running and wins. I wish that I had incredible creativity and sold fantastic crafty type things on Etsy or that I was a super good cook and had dinner parties every weekend. Alas, I am none of these things. I'm just a normal, ordinary, every day, type of person. No one looks twice when I walk by. I live in a normal, ordinary, every day house on a normal, ordinary, every day street.
The other day my plain little house was bustling with the noises of norm (kids quarreling, TV blaring, baby whining) when I stepped outside, as I do every day, to throw out some trash. The door shut behind me and I was struck by the quietness of the morning. I could hear some far away barks of a restless dog, the wind rustling tree leaves, but then caught sight of a silently soaring bird. My eyes followed its flight to the end of our street before I walked back into the clatter of my life.
Since then I've noticed these silent birds in flight almost every where I go. I am intrigued by how often they soar by without fanfare or demand for attention. These birds are going about the ordinary business of their days. Maybe one is gathering twigs for a nest, or another scouting out her prey. Whatever the task, each bird is doing what it was created to do and for all I know, perfectly content with life. A normal, ordinary, every day kind of life for a bird.
I know that, at least for now, God is not asking me to be anything extraordinary. He needs me to be ordinary. I may not be signing books or on the cover of Runners' World, but my life has meaning to those close to me because of ordinary love. I love because I was first loved by God. It is a love that is linked forever to the sacrifice of the cross. This same Love can flow through me and continue on forever if I am willing to accept this life God has given me. God's love multiplies and so ordinary love, does in fact, have the amazing capability to change the world. Now whenever I see a bird soaring through the air, I silently accept again God's love and this life He has given me because God's love is no ordinary love.
I could be a professional runner who lives for running and wins. I wish that I had incredible creativity and sold fantastic crafty type things on Etsy or that I was a super good cook and had dinner parties every weekend. Alas, I am none of these things. I'm just a normal, ordinary, every day, type of person. No one looks twice when I walk by. I live in a normal, ordinary, every day house on a normal, ordinary, every day street.
The other day my plain little house was bustling with the noises of norm (kids quarreling, TV blaring, baby whining) when I stepped outside, as I do every day, to throw out some trash. The door shut behind me and I was struck by the quietness of the morning. I could hear some far away barks of a restless dog, the wind rustling tree leaves, but then caught sight of a silently soaring bird. My eyes followed its flight to the end of our street before I walked back into the clatter of my life.
Since then I've noticed these silent birds in flight almost every where I go. I am intrigued by how often they soar by without fanfare or demand for attention. These birds are going about the ordinary business of their days. Maybe one is gathering twigs for a nest, or another scouting out her prey. Whatever the task, each bird is doing what it was created to do and for all I know, perfectly content with life. A normal, ordinary, every day kind of life for a bird.
I know that, at least for now, God is not asking me to be anything extraordinary. He needs me to be ordinary. I may not be signing books or on the cover of Runners' World, but my life has meaning to those close to me because of ordinary love. I love because I was first loved by God. It is a love that is linked forever to the sacrifice of the cross. This same Love can flow through me and continue on forever if I am willing to accept this life God has given me. God's love multiplies and so ordinary love, does in fact, have the amazing capability to change the world. Now whenever I see a bird soaring through the air, I silently accept again God's love and this life He has given me because God's love is no ordinary love.
TURNING BACK TO GOD
TURNING BACK TO GOD
“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.” (Psalm 51:7,8).
Psalm 51 is the best known of the penitential psalms written by David, a man who had come to know the depths of sin, and the depths of God's forgiveness. After his sin with Bathsheba had been brought to light (2 Samuel 12), the shepherd King of Israel was a broken man physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Although the consequences of a believer’s transgression may not be readily apparent, they will surely come because the Lord is faithful to chasten those whom he loves. "If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?" (Hebrews 12:10). Hard as it may be at the moment, the discipline of the Lord is not punitive, but transformational. “For they (our earthly fathers) verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness” (Hebrews 12:10). We see this in David's petition that God would create in him a clean heart and a steadfast spirit (Psalm 51:10). A clean heart is indicative of a new beginning, and a steadfast spirit a new determination. Out of the pit of sin’s despair the repentant child of God finds comfort and peace in a restored relationship with his Lord and Savior.
Dear Christian brother or sister, have you committed some grievous sin or sin’s that weigh on you day and night? Is this a burden you can no longer bear? Are you feeling like David whose sin was ever before him (Psalm 51:3)? This is a very painful place for a child of God to be. Gone is the joy of salvation and nothing in life can replace the fellowship with God you once enjoyed. In my years of pastoral ministry I have seen this occur many times among God’s children and always offer the same counsel. Just as with David and the prodigal son in Luke 15, the way home is the path of repentance. David confessed his sin and the Lord graciously forgave him all his iniquities. The key to your restoration and favor with God is to acknowledge your sin and need of restored fellowship with God. Seek it without delay. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” ( 1 John 1:8,9). When the prodigal son returned home his father was moved with compassion, embraced him, and kissed him (Luke 15:20). The story goes on to say that a great feast was held that day because the wayward child had come back to the place of blessing and the comfort of his father’s love.
Wandering child of God, today can be your day of rejoicing and blessing if you go to Jesus now, confessing all your sin, seeking only Him and a new beginning. He will never cast you out.
“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.” (Psalm 51:7,8).
Psalm 51 is the best known of the penitential psalms written by David, a man who had come to know the depths of sin, and the depths of God's forgiveness. After his sin with Bathsheba had been brought to light (2 Samuel 12), the shepherd King of Israel was a broken man physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Although the consequences of a believer’s transgression may not be readily apparent, they will surely come because the Lord is faithful to chasten those whom he loves. "If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?" (Hebrews 12:10). Hard as it may be at the moment, the discipline of the Lord is not punitive, but transformational. “For they (our earthly fathers) verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness” (Hebrews 12:10). We see this in David's petition that God would create in him a clean heart and a steadfast spirit (Psalm 51:10). A clean heart is indicative of a new beginning, and a steadfast spirit a new determination. Out of the pit of sin’s despair the repentant child of God finds comfort and peace in a restored relationship with his Lord and Savior.
Dear Christian brother or sister, have you committed some grievous sin or sin’s that weigh on you day and night? Is this a burden you can no longer bear? Are you feeling like David whose sin was ever before him (Psalm 51:3)? This is a very painful place for a child of God to be. Gone is the joy of salvation and nothing in life can replace the fellowship with God you once enjoyed. In my years of pastoral ministry I have seen this occur many times among God’s children and always offer the same counsel. Just as with David and the prodigal son in Luke 15, the way home is the path of repentance. David confessed his sin and the Lord graciously forgave him all his iniquities. The key to your restoration and favor with God is to acknowledge your sin and need of restored fellowship with God. Seek it without delay. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” ( 1 John 1:8,9). When the prodigal son returned home his father was moved with compassion, embraced him, and kissed him (Luke 15:20). The story goes on to say that a great feast was held that day because the wayward child had come back to the place of blessing and the comfort of his father’s love.
Wandering child of God, today can be your day of rejoicing and blessing if you go to Jesus now, confessing all your sin, seeking only Him and a new beginning. He will never cast you out.
God is love
“God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him” (1 Jn 4:16). These words from the First Letter of John express with remarkable clarity the heart of the Christian faith: the Christian image of God and the resulting image of mankind and its destiny. In the same verse, Saint John also offers a kind of summary of the Christian life: “We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us”.
We have come to believe in God's love: in these words the Christian can express the fundamental decision of his life. Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction. Saint John's Gospel describes that event in these words: “God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should ... have eternal life” (3:16). In acknowledging the centrality of love, Christian faith has retained the core of Israel's faith, while at the same time giving it new depth and breadth. The pious Jew prayed daily the words of the Book of Deuteronomy which expressed the heart of his existence: “Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God is one Lord, and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your might” (6:4-5). Jesus united into a single precept this commandment of love for God and the commandment of love for neighbour found in the Book of Leviticus: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself” (19:18; cf. Mk 12:29-31). Since God has first loved us (cf. 1 Jn 4:10), love is now no longer a mere “command”; it is the response to the gift of love with which God draws near to us.
In a world where the name of God is sometimes associated with vengeance or even a duty of hatred and violence, this message is both timely and significant. For this reason, I wish in my first Encyclical to speak of the love which God lavishes upon us and which we in turn must share with others. That, in essence, is what the two main parts of this Letter are about, and they are profoundly interconnected. The first part is more speculative, since I wanted here—at the beginning of my Pontificate—to clarify some essential facts concerning the love which God mysteriously and gratuitously offers to man, together with the intrinsic link between that Love and the reality of human love. The second part is more concrete, since it treats the ecclesial exercise of the commandment of love of neighbour. The argument has vast implications, but a lengthy treatment would go beyond the scope of the present Encyclical. I wish to emphasize some basic elements, so as to call forth in the world renewed energy and commitment in the human response to God's love.
We have come to believe in God's love: in these words the Christian can express the fundamental decision of his life. Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction. Saint John's Gospel describes that event in these words: “God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should ... have eternal life” (3:16). In acknowledging the centrality of love, Christian faith has retained the core of Israel's faith, while at the same time giving it new depth and breadth. The pious Jew prayed daily the words of the Book of Deuteronomy which expressed the heart of his existence: “Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God is one Lord, and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your might” (6:4-5). Jesus united into a single precept this commandment of love for God and the commandment of love for neighbour found in the Book of Leviticus: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself” (19:18; cf. Mk 12:29-31). Since God has first loved us (cf. 1 Jn 4:10), love is now no longer a mere “command”; it is the response to the gift of love with which God draws near to us.
In a world where the name of God is sometimes associated with vengeance or even a duty of hatred and violence, this message is both timely and significant. For this reason, I wish in my first Encyclical to speak of the love which God lavishes upon us and which we in turn must share with others. That, in essence, is what the two main parts of this Letter are about, and they are profoundly interconnected. The first part is more speculative, since I wanted here—at the beginning of my Pontificate—to clarify some essential facts concerning the love which God mysteriously and gratuitously offers to man, together with the intrinsic link between that Love and the reality of human love. The second part is more concrete, since it treats the ecclesial exercise of the commandment of love of neighbour. The argument has vast implications, but a lengthy treatment would go beyond the scope of the present Encyclical. I wish to emphasize some basic elements, so as to call forth in the world renewed energy and commitment in the human response to God's love.
Fall is Here
Fall has arrived at Sparrow Haven. The official first day of fall was September 22 this year and it was warm and humid. But, the week before saw fall arrive with a shout of surprise as the temperatures dropped down to single digits at night and highs of less than 20ยบ C in the day.
OF course it was no surprise to those who pay attention to the world around them. The goldenrod started blooming in August this year. It started out in small patches scattered over the area on August 15th but by the end of August it was in full bloom every where. If you know the old wives tale then you know that means frost 6 weeks from the first blooming of the goldenrod.
The geese started flocking up not long after the goldenrod was in full bloom. We hear small V's of them going over in the evenings and mornings as they come and go from the river. Over the next two weeks the flocks will get bigger and bigger then they will all head South for the winter. It is always an impressive sight to see flocks of thousands take the the air and head out for the winter feeding grounds, but it also means the snow will fly soon.
The garden is still going. The green beans are winding down but the root vegetables, beets and carrots, are still going strong. I did get a fall planting of green peas in back in August. The plants are not about a foot tall and seem to be enjoying the weather, though they would probably prefer more water as it has been rather dry so far this month.
Soon, maybe another two or three weeks, it will be time to wrap the bottom of the chicken coop with plastic and insulate it with straw bales. This year we're going to add a second heat lamp under the coop so the chickens can sit in the sun coming through the clear plastic on the front of the coop and have some extra warmth during the day and early evenings. I'm not sure how cold it will be this winter but I'm hoping this new setup will help prevent frostbite on the chickens combs this year.
OF course it was no surprise to those who pay attention to the world around them. The goldenrod started blooming in August this year. It started out in small patches scattered over the area on August 15th but by the end of August it was in full bloom every where. If you know the old wives tale then you know that means frost 6 weeks from the first blooming of the goldenrod.
The geese started flocking up not long after the goldenrod was in full bloom. We hear small V's of them going over in the evenings and mornings as they come and go from the river. Over the next two weeks the flocks will get bigger and bigger then they will all head South for the winter. It is always an impressive sight to see flocks of thousands take the the air and head out for the winter feeding grounds, but it also means the snow will fly soon.
The garden is still going. The green beans are winding down but the root vegetables, beets and carrots, are still going strong. I did get a fall planting of green peas in back in August. The plants are not about a foot tall and seem to be enjoying the weather, though they would probably prefer more water as it has been rather dry so far this month.
Soon, maybe another two or three weeks, it will be time to wrap the bottom of the chicken coop with plastic and insulate it with straw bales. This year we're going to add a second heat lamp under the coop so the chickens can sit in the sun coming through the clear plastic on the front of the coop and have some extra warmth during the day and early evenings. I'm not sure how cold it will be this winter but I'm hoping this new setup will help prevent frostbite on the chickens combs this year.
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